You Can Write

What Not to Say

Ed "Oh no! I am sinking! I stepped into quicksand; which is a well-known natural phenomenon consisting of a mixture of sand, clay, and water! I am in grave danger!"

Marv: "This is a truly unfortunate and distressing situation! I must think critically about how to assist you before you are entirely submerged and perish!"

Ed: "Please act quickly, as I am already at a depth of approximately three feet, and according to scientific studies, struggling will only increase my rate of descent!"

Marv: "I recall from an article I once read that I must procure a sturdy branch or rope to pull you out while ensuring my own safety!"

Ed: "Yes, indeed, that is the correct course of action! Please execute it expeditiously!"

Unbelievable Dialogue...

“Well, would you look at that, Joe. I think I’ve walked into some quicksand.”

“By golly, I think you’re right”, Joe exclaimed. “You seem to be sinking pretty fast too.”

“Do you think you could find something to help me out of this, buddy?”

“If you remember Steve, my shoulder was dislocated last week and the doctor said that I shouldn’t lift

anything heavy? I really don’t think it’s a good idea to risk damaging it, do you?”

The Unbelievable Dialogue:

“What’s it like in there?” Asked Mary, peering down at Rita. Her chin was resting above the quicksand that was slowly dragging her under.

“It’s quite warm actually, it’s a shame they don’t offer something similar at my local gym,” replied Rita.

“Oh, do you mean the Oultan Spa and Gym? Their pool is terrible, I’ve been complaining about it for years. Not deep enough and always too cold when you get in.”

“Exactly! Nothing like this, it’s bloody glorious in here. I was having a conversation about it with Fred before we left for Panama. I’m thinking about canceling my membership.

“I cancelled mine months ago. We should probably get moving soon. Shall I pass you a stick or something to help you out?”

"Hi Bob."

"Hi Jim."

"You'll never believe this, Bob, but I think I'm going to die - this quicksand is just dragging me down."

"Don't be an idiot, Jim - it's all in your mind. You've just stepped in a swamp. Ignore the tiger... and cobra that surround you. You have a guardian angel who's with you every second, who will embrace your difficulty. So just trust in the power of the unknown, and you will come up trumps."

"Okay, Bob, I'll do that - you know what? The ground is already feeling firmer and I feel safe again."

Now for something you might hear: